Eulogies for the Living
A few years ago, I led his funeral service and gave one of the eulogies for Gavin*. In it I mentioned that when Gavin was told he had terminal cancer, that there was no cure and that the end was nigh, he didn’t fall in a heap or wallow in self-pity.
Instead, Gavin and his partner organised what they called a ‘Celebration of Friendship’ and invited scores of their friends to a beautiful meal. At that happy occasion Gavin expressed to those gathered his gratitude for their friendship.
He said:
“I wanted to make sure that I did something positive to thank each of you for all you’ve done for me; for all you’ve meant to me over the time that we’ve known each other.”
“So, to celebrate our friendship; to celebrate the positive effect you’ve had on me; and to celebrate your part in the most enjoyable life this old bloke could ever have hoped for, I say a deep and lasting thank you.”
Later, I mentioned at his funeral that Gavin wanted that occasion and today’s event to be a time of thanksgiving and a celebration of life and friendship.
The ‘Celebration of Friendship’ was also a time for tributes—the nearest thing to attending your own funeral. Gavin had arranged for Martin, his friend, to deliver a eulogy and in introducing Martin, Gavin said with his quirky sense of humour:
“Being the sort of fellow I am, I thought it’d be kinda nice to hear my eulogy before I care no more. So I can’t wait to hear what a good bloke I am.”
You may not want to put on a ‘Celebration of Friendship’ event if you ever receive the same verdict as Gavin received from his doctor but these living eulogies are becoming popular and can be done in less formal ways.
Andrea Driessen [pictured] tells in a TED Talk that her father’s life story and accomplishments were written up in his hometown newspaper. When he sent a copy of the article to Andrea and her siblings, he had scrawled a short hand-written note and in his trademark modesty he said, “Well it’s better than having a eulogy read over an open casket.”
When her father died at the age of 96, Andrea gave the eulogy at his funeral. It was a sincere tribute to a superb human being and was not unusual as far as eulogies go except for one thing, he’d already heard it. After Andrea had received that note about how having nice things said about you while you’re alive is a lot better than having them read over an open casket, she wrote her Dad a eulogy and sent it to him.
Andrea then asked her audience, “Why are eulogies only for dead people? Why do we wait so long to recognise each other’s gifts? Why are the truest compliments and the sincerest sentiments said about our loved ones when they can no longer hear and savour and bask in them?”
As a hospice volunteer, Andrea spends some of her free time sitting with people who are likely near the end of their days and she said, “I’m learning that those who are dying want to know that they’re loved …. They want to know their lives have mattered.”
Listen to Andrea’s full talk and ponder the way she calls her audience to step up and express our love and appreciation for people while they are still here. She gives people practical ways that we can acknowledge our loved ones in ‘purposeful honouring’.
Link: Eulogies for the Living, Andrea Driessen| TEDx Talks.
Image: Andrea Driessen. Learn more about Andrea and how she helps people.
Geoff Pound
*Not his real name.